do it yourself recipes for the home cook.....like mustard

Okay it's 1 Dec and I am walking around Costco for the heck of it.  Much better experience than when I am there to buy a particular item.  As I turned the corner, there was the magazine rack and this title caught my eye....

Made From Scratch

And as I read the fine print under the large print title "do-it-yourself recipes for the home cook", the magazine came with me without even looking at the recipes.

Later as I perused the pages, I realized I had lots of ideas for homemade items to give.  Provided they were simple to make.

And I began with homemade mustard.  OH MY....how simple was it to make.  And tasty?  Yes!  Spicy!  I get to experiment with the spicy level!

HMMMM....maybe I need to make my way through all these recipes.  HMMMM...I was wanting to take some cooking classes next year.

Stay tuned.

Oh the recipe is from America's Test Kitchen and here it is....

A Delicious Revolution - An Article

This article

http://m.dailygood.org/story/551/a-delicious-revolution-alice-waters/

Is so true for me.  I love that she writes..."Consider this: eating is something we all have in common. It's something we all have to do every day, and it's something we can all share."

And I recall growing up...working the garden with my parents.  Eatting veggies just picked from the garden.  The fresh, earthy taste.  The experience of working the soil.  Watering the seedlings.  Watching them grow.  Picking the veggies.  I lost all that for a while, I'm guessing in my 30's, when I was in a fast-pace, no time for lunch, grab-n-go for dinner.  And I recall a chiropractor I went to see in my 40's, ask me after he completed his adjustment, what's your intake of green, leafy vegetables, like kale?  The mention of kale, took me back to that time with the garden.  And eatting fresh vegetables.  I went to the grocery store after the chiropractor's, purchased some kale, and cooked it that night.  Dang, it was good!.

Now...I am an improv chef in my home!  Nothing delights me more than to open the icebox (yes, I call it an icebox) and survey the contents to see what tasty meal I can create from what's before me.  And having produce delivered from a local farm feeds that delight.  For through that, I have learned to cook or prepare veggies I might have passed over in the market.  Butternut squash comes to mind.  Fennel is another.

Bon Appetit!

22 September last year and this year (2013)

A year ago on 22 September, I began walking Camino Frances (from St Jean Pied-de-Port, France to Santiago, Spain).

What a year it has been!

In a nutshell...a lot more clearing on different levels.  Walking for 64 days from sleeping place to sleeping place on Camino Frances and Camino Fisterre, with just me, what I was wearing, my backpack, and other pereginos - gave me the sense when I returned to my home - continue to clear whatever I do not use or need.  Definitely felt the energy of that when I returned to my home during January, after being away for 5 months.  Everything there was mine!  AND I had done just fine without it all for 5 months!

AHHH, the journey, the Camino continues.  One filled with ups and downs.  Stops and starts.  Action and reflection.  Doing and being.  Amazing to notice to this day...how easy or how hard it is for me to discard an item, a belief, a habit.  All Good for I continue to learn!  To discern!

Definitely acquiring only what I will use either now or very soon thereafter, is a fabulous-o habit I now have.  That includes, as a friend and I noted the other day....saying “no” to free anything or items that are offered to me that I will not use right away -- newspapers, samples, plastic bags (Nancy are you reading this :-), posters, pamphlets….

And the best part of all my clearing -- I cleared out whatever fears, doubts, resistances I had around living with a partner.  Since I returned, Tom, Benny the 8-year old black Labrador, and I were living together either here at my home or there at his home.  And we decided that my home is our home.  For someone who believed I would live solo for the rest of my life, this is a HUGE letting go!  And a HUGE trusting!

And this adventure continues.   I read this recently..."When we open the door to living within a broader community, we also open the door to the hidden recesses of our own processes.  Issues that rarely arose in the privacy of our personal lives, issues that we had become adept at sidestepping, or those we thought we had dealt with suddenly emerge in glaring detail.  It can be a shock to find yourself staring in the mirror at a behavior that is far below your well-established personal standards.  At times like this, you need to accept your failing with grace and compassion and at the same time appreciate the rare gift you have been offered of a clear reflection into your soul."  pg 222 The Community of Kindness.

Tom and I have been given the rare gifts of being mirrors for each other.  I definitely remember this as we laugh and love our way through life's ups and downs.  And try to remember that when our conversations go south.  Or I throw out a few snide comments.  We are both blessed to be partners in Life's adventures!

Anywho….grateful for all the guidance and support I’ve gotten and will get as I continue to let go of the clutter as Julie Morgenstern defines it…."Any obsolete object, space, committment, or behavior that weighs you down, distracts you, or depletes your energy." (pg 36, When Organizing Isn"t Enough, SHED Your Stuff, Change Your Life by Julie Morgenstern).

Clearing definitely leads to clarity!  DUHHH!

Small things often, make a difference.  John Gottman

Here's a photo of Tom and I "playing tourist" on a beautiful weather day along The Bay!

Buen Camino!

It Is Official...Tom and I Living Together

Wednesday...28 August 2013...the movers moved Tom's desk, dresser, kitchen table & chairs, Japanese night stand here.  And he exchanged his apartment keys for the security deposit he gave two years ago.

It's Official...we are living together!  Even though we have been living together either at my home or at his home.  Now there is no more...here...there.  My home...his home.  Now there is only our home.

The adventure...continues!

And the day after...I am exhausted from all the events prior to the move day!  Now I understand the need for a honeymoon after the marriage day!  And the need for rest.  Restore.  Adjust.  Recalibrate.  Honor the end of one chapter.  Honor the beginning of the next.

And a week later...it's been crappy and shitty for me.  And I have taken it out on him via snide comments...conversations that went south.  Passive communications.  Passive-Aggressive communications.

Yet it is "All Good" for I am faced with aspects of myself that would only arise when living with someone.

What a rare gift...

What a beautiful learning...
To have this mirror into my interior!

I say this....as I grin and bear the view into my interior!

It is great that in the midst of all this, we love each other.  We want to be with each other.  Those are gifts as well.

Onward Ho!

Clearing Out Items Continues....

Tuesday, 27 August 2013 and my clearing continues....

Just sold the Chinese carved bar cabinet that I bought back in 1985.  And had not used for the past 10 years.

A bit of remorse for not bargaining with the man (as I took his first offer which was much less than the price that I posted on Craigslist).

AND as importantly...happy for it to be out of my home and into a new home.  It is a large (18 inches deep by 36 inches wide by 38 inches tall) Chinese carved bar cabinet.  Which was also darn heavy and bulky for the man and his wife to get down the stairs.

Feels good...to see that clear space where the cabinet used to live (see photos)

Happy to have one less item in my space.

And perfect timing....Thank You Source.  One hour prior to the man's arrival, the Container Store completed the install of Elfa hanging space for Tom's clothes (see photo).  And Tom's desk and dresser are coming tomorrow from Mill Valley.

Transition and changes in-process.  And glad I am starting my mornings with Morning Pages then meditation, then healthy breakfast.  Supplements, fish oils, systemic enzymes, digestive enzymes.  Lots of Thank Yous thrown in.  Awe-some Self-Care to help me stay grounded, centered, and in the present.

Last year on 1 September I was leaving on my trip with June and then to walk El Camino.

The adventure...continues....so stay tuned.

My Next Theme....

Well it is Saturday, 10 August 2013 and reflecting..

Lots of changes for me in the past months.  Past weeks.

From holding an intention to live together at the beginning of the year to actually living together.  Tom, his dog Benny, and I are now living together in what was once my home, now our home.  That happened after July 4th.  Very happy!  Excited!  Scared!  Yet All Good because this is a growing, evolving edge for me - living with a partner (for the first time).

And now here is it August and Tom is emptying his place of his belongings because his lease expires August-end.  We're deciding what comes here.  What goes to "another home" by way of Salvation Army or Goodwill.  And Tom is being sensitive, thoughtful about what comes into the emotional, energetic, physical space that I have cleared for living together with a partner.  All Good!  Feels loving, loved, co-mingling.  And clear spaces are now staging areas as we re-configure our space.  I can tell I am a visual person as the sight of things in the music/meditation room (albeit, temporarily the staging area) has me want to clear and clean.  And find "homes" in our home for these items.  All Good.

And closet to be transformed with the help of Elfa and Container Store installers so Tom has a place to hang his clothes.  Which means I need to clear that closet :-) of items that no longer serve me now.  Feels fun to figure this out with the help of Tom and the Container Store folks.  And will be great to get his clothes off the portable clothes racks in the staging area into their new "home".

A bedroom window and a living room window won't open.  And cannot be fixed, only replaced.  So I am in the midst of talking to contractors and getting bids for replacing my windows.  Before I would have put this repair off and made-do.  Now I understand the value of having things that function well - makes life ease, easy, flow.

The bathtub needs re-caulking and re-sealing as well.  Yet another topic to discuss with contractors to get a bid.

A theme is showing up.  And fits into a book that someone from my Hoarding class and part of my Clearing Cohort recommended yesterday (Organization Isn't Enough, SHED You Stuff, Change Your Life by Julie Morgenstern),  And specifically, the author's definition of clutter "any obsolete object, space, commitment, or behavior that weighs you down, distracts you, or depletes your energy."  page 36.

Yes....the theme is I am shedding any obsolete object, space, commitment, or behavior (and a friend added 'person") that weighs me down, distracts me, or depletes my energy...from being who I am...now.

I realize that my intention is....I want to be light!  Mobile!  Free!  I want the feeling I had while walking El Camino!  Light, mobile, free.

And thus the Universe continues to provide me with opportunities to let go of "any obsolete object, space, commitment, or behavior that weighs me down, distracts me, or depletes my energy." from that theme, that intention, that feeling.

Thank You!  Thank You!  Thank You!

Here's knowing you, too, will let go of "any obsolete object, space, commitment, or behavior that weighs you down, distracts you, or depletes your energy." from how you want to feel...now.

Synchronicisty Abounds!

25 July 2013....

Synchronicisty abounds!

I awoke exhausted this morning and was just going to blow off my practices (or structures as the e-mail below calls them).  Recovering from yesterday's activities felt like awe-some reasons to do that.  Benny the dog had a sick stomach from 4 to 7 a.m.  His wretching awoke me and I was the clean-up person.  Two-hour afternoon discussion with my financial advisor.  After that one hour discussion with my partner about finances and co-habitating.  Tired before 9 pm as I lay in a warm Epson salt bath laced with lavender and eucalyptus essential oils.

Yet as I thought of those activities...a tiny still voice said...get up and do your morning pages.  No I am tired I said to myself.  I deserve to rest today.  I don't have to be anywhere until 4 pm so I am going to go back to sleep.  Get up and do your morning pages repeated the tiny still voice.

So I FINALLY did...  And as my pen flowed, capturing the un-edited download from my mind, my brain, my interior....to fill three letter sized pages...it felt good.  To get all that stuff out of me.  To notice what I notice.  Yes...clearing takes place at all levels.  For hoarding and cluttering does not occur just with physical items :-)

And 30 or so minutes later...still exhausted  yet feeling lighter on my interior, I am poised for my next best thing as Gloria V would say.

I have not been paying much attention to my e-mails, so I opened my e-mail folder.  And scanned the Subject lines for only inspiration.  I hear Brother David saying to David Whyte -- the antidote to exhaustion is whole-heartedness.  VOILA...see the e-mail at the bottom of this blog!  And view this fabulous reminder in this TED talk by Kathleen Taylor.  http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=4029

In reading Gloria V's daily thought and viewing the TED talk.....I thought.....how synchronistic Source!  My morning pages noted the various ways I daily practice self care...clearing...cleaning!  How I am being in this world!  And the e-mail and the TED talk told me I am on the right path for me.

My daily practices or structures are important because I am worth it.  From morning pages to eatting from my best dishes to preparing myself healthy food that visually looks and tastes great to walking outside to exploring The City to checking out food at a new Happy Hour to being with folks who are also nurturing themselves to seeking inspiration to saying thank you for every little thing.  And the list goes on.  Makes feeling exhausted aok.  And part of being human.

Cheers to whatever practices...structures...help you nourish and nurture you!  You are very, very worth it!

-----

Begin forwarded message:

From: Gloria Valoris <gvaloris@pacbell.net>
Date: July 25, 2013, 8:56:19 AM PDT
To:
Subject: Thought for the Day

 “Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night."      William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

 

When we were talking about secure versus insecure thinking at the meeting on Sunday, one of the items that came up as a necessity for secure thinking is feeling in control of your own behavior. When you don't feel that you could direct your behavior in constructive ways, it undermines feeling secure in many other areas as well. One of the most powerful tools for being able to control your behavior is to create a structure for your activities that make doing various positive actions at set times a fairly automatic process.

 

If your life currently has no identifiable pattern, you will likely find that the easiest place to begin to create structure is establishing a routine for going to bed at some optimal time (usually around 10 or 11 for greatest biorhythm benefit). Action such as getting into your pajamas an hour or two before your bedtime, brushing your teeth, and wrapping up whatever activities you were engaged in earlier in the evening help to get you in the mindset to fall asleep at the most appropriate time. Once you have established the pattern of going to bed at a regular time, other good habits become easier to establish.

 

REMEMBER: Gratitude for the small things in life that go right helps to increase the number of bigger things that go right.

Gloria Valoris
Optimal Organizations - Helping small businesses, nonprofits, and individuals Thrive!
415-647-0107

The 3rd edition of Overcome Hoarding and Transform Your Life: How to Choose Hope and Life Instead of Things  and the 2nd edition of Making Life Easier: Simple Systems to Manage Your Things, Time, Money, and Life - Painlessly!

are available now. Orders for both accepted by email.

Visit me on the web at www.optimalorganizations.com

Happy 23 June and Happy Summer....

Happy 23 June and Happy Summer....

And now that I am holidaying from clearing out old boxes of items.  Or deciding what items to keep or discard ... welcome to my way of en-joying and exploring San Francisco.  Often Free.  Often Cheap.  Resurrected my days when I first moved to here -- 25 years ago -- only then I worked, now I am retired.  And loving retirement!

Took a great City Guides walking tour yesterday in Japantown.  I love these tours.  Volunteers lead the tours and each brings to the tour a passion for leading their particular tour.  Along with a wealth of info and tidbits about the part of The City that we are touring.  And it is donation-based with all the donations going to City Guides to support their work.  Here is the website
http://www.sfcityguides.org/
Learned yesterday about Jimbo's Bop City in Japantown in the 50's and 60's.  And discovered the smallest park in San Francisco on Cottage Row.  If you've done the City Guides tours, comment on your favorite.

Then there is this great website which lists all the free and cheap things to do in the Bay Area.
http://sf.funcheap.com/
There is usually something going on every day of the week.

And my favorite.....walking The City.  Let's see the possibilities are endless.   Walking along The Bay takes me from Aquatic Park all the way to Fort Point (below the Golden Gate Bridge).  And I can continue on towards Lands End and a part of a trail overlooking the Pacific Ocean.  Or Golden Gate Park (thousand-plus acres measuring three miles long by half a mile wide).  Or many fun neighborhoods.  Or the Embarcadero from Pier 39 to the Ferry Building to AT&T BallPark.  What's your favorite walk in The City?  Do comment.

Then there are Happy Hours.  These existed in Virginia when I moved here, yet not here then.  Now, this is my way of checking out a restaurant yet not spending much money for food and drink.  And being out and about solo when friends cannot join me.  HMMM...there is Farralon.  Fior d'Italia.  Cafe Divine.  Cafe Sapore.  Puccini and Pinetti.  Palomino.  Bummed that Asqew Grill closed while I was away last year...it had tables outside where I could catch some rays while noshing!  Oh well, change is inevitable.  Leave a comment if you have a favorite.

And all of the above awaits me for another day...I decided yesterday to work on computer things today.  Have a new laptop and getting it loaded with my programs and corresponding files.  And syncing with my phone.  And the weather is supporting me as it is gray outside!  Onward ho....to clearing out my old laptop and bringing the new one in!

 

 

 

Potential Value Versus Actual Value

Happy Father's Day...

I am enjoying the sun, the afternoon...re-reading Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer...sipping a glass of rose at a restaurant with outdoor seating.  Life is good!  And a butterfly landed on knee!  Life is very good!

And it's interesting to notice where in my life I have potential items, items I do not use versus actual items, items I use!  Where I keep the former convincing myself that they are the latter.

And now I step back and apply that to relationships or thoughts or beliefs.  All comes down to what serves me NOW not what served me in the past or potentially in the future.

All Good!

Pretty much.decided that I will take the next month to en-joy.  To holiday.  Allow myself time to practice, embody all my learnings from the two programs I completed.  Allow myself to celebrate the clear space in my field!  Celebrate!  Holiday!

I wish that for all that we celebrate the tiniest of successes, the tiniest of failures.  All good to help us see where and who we are NOW!

A Broom...

Noticing my thoughts and words I speak is enlightening.  Grateful for the two programs I completed last month which had me notice intentionally for class exercises.

A thought that I notice comes up for me often is 'I can make do with what I have and I don't want to spend money.'  And so what that does, is I end up using & keeping an item that most folks would discard because it has met its useful life.

Example:  the broom that ever since the beginning of this year....yes that's five months going on six....I have convinced myself whenever I use it... 'I can make do with what I have'.  'Let's not spend money to replace it.'  Even when the dustpan falls off the handle.  And it really does not sweep well.  Today, Source provides.  And sends me a message.  I took the plastic bags to Cole Hardware for recycling.  And the store was having 20% off everything in the store...so now I have a new broom and the old one is in the garbage!  And bonus, the broom came with a dustpan that fits on the handle!  I am happy!  I am worth it!  Thank you Source for the 20% discount!

Clearing Of Items..Continued

Good Morning Thursday, 6 June 2013. 06/06. Been two months since my last blog post.

And what a ride it has been. A lot of noticing the thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs either that show up as I decide to keep or discard items in my home. Or get into emotional, difficult arguments with Tom so they grow our relationship versus destroy.

Thank you Source for guiding me during April to complete the Managing Anger 8-week course & the Overcoming Hoarding 6-week course. And seeking a somatic psychotherapist. All Good to emotionally and mentally support me as I take "a lot of noticing" and practice different responses.

The Overcoming Hoarding course helped me identify my "keeping" and "avoiding" thoughts and beliefs as I go from item to item. So that now I practice "letting go" thoughts.....one item at a time. And practice "do I truly need this" thoughts.....one item at a time.

The Managing Anger course helped me identify the triggers, the feelings that preceded my angry reaction. Now I practice how to articulate what I am feeling, thinking, believing. "Responding" feels way more powerful, loving, caring than "reacting", so that soon I will react the same way I respond.

The therapy provides me a professional space to be witnessed and heard, so that in that space, I find whatever it is I need to continue my day-to-day practices.

And where am I today....how am I?

Exhausted. Grieving. The past seven days I balanced between self-care and setting up for a garage sale that my neighbor and I had this past Saturday and Sunday. And then taking down after the sale. The folks from my Overcoing Hoarding course were great in providing moral support. As were Tom, my friends and sister Nancy. Now I am just feeling the effects of letting go of a lot of items. There were the items donated on Tuesday. And items still left to be donated. And the items boxed and taken into my storage unit in the basement for the next garage sale. Am proud of me and all the items that left my living space. Yet today, I feel the emptiness of the drawers, shelves, space in rooms. The sadness mixed with euphoria of accomplishment. The grateful mixed with loneliness as I sit in silence here now, typing.

Yes, this is grieving as I am reminded of this definition from The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman...."Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." And I am reminded that I am betwixt-between.....transitioning from my former way of being into a different way of being.....practicing different ways of responding. Definitely time to be extra-kind and extra-gentle to myself. As I learned walking Camino de Santiago, some days I just need to stay in one place, not walk and instead rest, en-joy not walking. And so it is in Life.

On that note.....time for food, water, and rest.

My Things

Happy 2 April...so far so good with taking one month at a time to go through each room of my home and clear it of items that no longer serve. Proud of my progress!

Kitchen was easy. Bathroom ditto. Even the office desk and files.

Boy oh boy I am into the hard stuff now...the office closet where there are boxes from the last clearing. Or things that I would not part with in my last clearing. Or things too overwhelming to sort through. Or things too time consuming to look through. Grateful that Source orchestrated a great emotional support team for me before I arrived at this place.

Now going through all this is full of surprises that is for darn sure! Memories both sad and happy. Most wise of me...kind and gentle...to take my time with all of this. This a time to honor my feelings and let them flow through me.

The happy feelings come and go quickly. A warming of my heart as I read a card from an old friend. A delighted feeling as I find photos of the grand-niece and grand-nephew at birth and now they are almost 4! A fortunate and grateful feeling as I toss old medical notes, research reminding me of where I was five..six years ago and here I am now! A lighthearted feeling as I watch the recycle bin fill up with papers from my past that no longer serve me now and empty my two drawers of files. A thrilled feeling as the five piles of paper I had organied on the top of my rolled desk are now filed in the drawers leaving the top of the rolled top desk empty (well almost...there is a dictionary still :-). I wished now I had taken a before and after pix :-). A satisfied feeling as I organized all the items in the TAX folder and placed in an envelope. A jubilant feeling when I dropped off the envelope to the accountant earlier today. YEA! my second year of NOT frustrating myself while cajoling TurboTax software when it took the K-1 info I gave it and kept giving me error messages which I could not figure out how to correct. A pleased feeling that I am making progress in changing my behaviors that led me to acquiring and keeping all these things. El Camino reminded me that I think many times before buying something. Glad that I begin a six-week class to assist hoarders--I need support with this clearing.

The sad feelings I sit with a while as they linger. Especially since this is the time during 1994--19 years ago that my mother passed. I happen upon a report from her oncologist written a month before she passed. A sadness that her cancer had spread through her body by the time it was discovered. It touches the missing-her within me. So rather than push through the paper, I allow the emotions to move through me. Or take time off from 'work'. All Good!

Clearing my home, my body, my field on many different levels! For it is not about the items, it is about the thoughts, feelings, emotions that allow me to keep the items.

All Good! Source...now I understand the reason you guided me as I journeyed abroad from September to December. To return and continue the work of clearing my things! To continue my relationship with Tom that keeps it healthy, growing, thriving! All of this benefits me! And this benefits all I come in contact with! All Good! Thank you for these opportunities to serve!

By the way...uncooked rice ground in a coffee or spice grinder after grinding the coffee or spice, helps keep the grinder clean. Brush out ground rice.

Put on a large pot of water to boil.
Pour a goopy mixture of baking soda & water down a slow draining sink.
Wait 15 minutes.
Pour some distilled white vinegar down the drain.
Wait until you no longer hear the fizzing caused by the vinegar meeting the baking soda.
Pour the boiling hot water down the drain.
Repeat as necessary until the drain no longer slowly drains. May need to plunge after the second repeat.

Community

Thinking outside the box regarding Community...and Relationship as Tom and I navigate the Relationship River together. And I look where Community already exists in my life!

And Source...so funny...whispers to me...read the book off your bookshelf The Community of Kindness from beginning to end. Read a story each day.

And so I started a few weeks ago. The book is a collection of one page stories about community. All Good! To remind that I choose to look with my 'abundance' glasses on. Or my 'scarcity' glasses on. Not just with community...with all things!

The voices inside me are so creative and imaginative...in taking me into 'stories' which either build myself up and infuse joy. Or take me down and keep me from being with feelings I do not want to be with. All Good...to notice. To practice. To make different choices. To have patience with my self. All Good!

Community is all around me. Waiting for me...yes, me to reach out to it. I smile. And am grateful. As I think of many friends near and far. My group of five, including me who gather to eat, drink, laugh every so often. My spontaneous friend two blocks away who might be available for a mindless game of cards to get me out of listening to those creative storytellers inside me :-). The Dancing with Source village--still with me in spirit. The ORSC community--also with me in spirit. Gaia, Mother Earth, Father Sky...ever with me as I take daily walks outside and marvel at Their awesome beauty around me!

I am grateful for the support that crosses my path precisely when I need it..as I continue to clear out things in my home (the local community college continuing education is offering a six week class on hoarding in April). As I navigate the Relationship River with Tom (Gottman Institute's blog and all of John Gottman's books are great reminders of how I want to be in any relationship). As I move through feelings and emotions triggered along the way (Sobonfu's grief ritual from her native Dagara Tribe of the country Burkina Faso, Africa, came in Divine time to help me release feelings stored in my field). And now taking a Managing Anger 8 week series through Kaiser Permanente to help me understand what brings me to anger. So I can learn to de-escalate.

All Good! All the while, remembering to HAVE FUN!

HAVE FUN!

Grief...

It is 2 March 2013...7:22 am...I awake to get ready to head out and participate in an African grief ritual led by an African woman Sobonfu Some. She is from the Dagara Tribe of Burkina Faso.

And I realized that is what I am missing...the on-going safe container and receptacle for all the emotions I have. As Sobonfu noted in her talk last night...in her village, emotions around grief are shared within the village, so that healing can occur for not just the person, also the village--for it is their belief that one affects the other. I am missing the Camino and its on-going safe container for all my emotions, made up of Source, the land, nature, the path, the albergues, the pilgrims themselves, the people along the path, me.

Here....I live alone. And my village mates are not physically within reach. Or so I believe. Time for me to think outside the box on what people constitutes my village...my community. I live in a city where there are lots of people who cross my path. Up to me to ensure my presence is beneficial.

And Sobonfu's work is beautiful and powerful...a fabulous opportunity to be witnessed and supported as one releases the many sounds and voices and states of grief.

Now it is 7 March...I appreciated that one participant shared that one time she went to the grief altar and was exhausted. She tried to get up yet the village said no, stay, there is more. A new perspective--to see exhaustion as a face of grieving.

When she answered a question about what to do when one is in constant physical pain, the response about arthritis resonated with me. Constant physical pain means one is carrying a lot of unresolved grief. Same holds true for those with arthritis. As Dr. Cantwell told me years ago...'your experience will be your evidence' and so it has been the case for me. As I have let go of a lot of unresolved grief over the years and allowed my emotions to flow versus suppress, it has definitely helped my well-being.

I feel lighter after this weekend. And my range of motion in my left wrist is much more. Validation that what is affecting the wrist is beyond a physical cause!

Grateful for the resources that are crossing my path now.

3 Weeks Back In My Home

Three weeks ago I returned to My Home! As I walked about the rooms those first few days back, it felt odd. All that I saw belonged to me. So many clothes. So many kitchen items. For this one person. YES...this one person.

Where do I put my things that have traveled with me for the past four months? I asked myself. I was so accustomed to hanging up my day clothes to air out while I wore my night clothes. And my toiletries in a small mesh sack that I carried to and fro a bathroom. Now...in my home...I no longer needed the clothes I traveled with...they sat in my luggage while all the clothes I had left here, clamored for my attention!

After a few days, I felt the pull to be off to the next destination. Yet this is the journey. And the destination. Here. Now. This is the ultimate Camino.

Soooo....it continues to be a mindful and slow re-connecting with all that I left on 1 September. My Home. Activities. Services. Friends. Spent some quiet time with My Home--she welcomed me with open arms. I am so grateful for her. She supports me and loves me in whatever state I am in--an example of un-conditional love. WOW! I saged the air a few days after I returned and asked all the negative energy to go into the Light. Then a friend offered and I accepted for her to come and do a house blessing. Felt very good.

Spending time wandering around re-connecting with The City. Familiarity in some places. Changes in others. Grateful to live in such a beautiful city with beautiful weather!

Un-packed in the past week. Began the process of clearing out closets and drawers and papers. And gathering items for tax return.

Re-connecting with friends after dis-connecting for such a long time. Deciding what communities to re-connect with. All will happen one step and conversation at a time.

Asked Source to send what I need to support me. Tom is super! Friends welcome me back and that has been great! My Home has been super-duper! My daily random readings are great reminders!

Requested the book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer from the library and it came in one week after I returned to My Home. I read it last week. Definitely is supporting me through this re-entry! Tom opened the book randomly and read silently something profound. Said to me, this is a book to buy. I told him, we shall see as I had not read it yet. Now that I have read...it is a keeper!

Grateful for all of this!

Buen Camino!

16 January 2013 Un Peregrino returns to My Home

It's 1 pm here on 16 January 2013 and I am on the bus. Stepping closer to My Home. She awaits my return. She awaits the conversation. So we will sit with each other for the next few days. She will be my peregrino friend for the next few days. We have been away from each other for over four months. And we have much to tell the other. And much time to sit in silence with each other.

Meanwhile, had to laugh...earlier I had a quiet sit, asked Source what am I to sit with today? Heard fears and desires, open the Tao book. Yup! The same page as yesterday! Yet today is not the same day as yesterday! Thank you for this day!

As I walked to the bus stop, someone had chalked near the bus stop BEE HERE NOW...with a bee buzzing from the word BEE. Photo does not do it justice yet I get the reminder Source :-). Thank you!

Meeting up with my tenant after 3 pm so there is time to have a bite to eat, bask in the sun at the local cafe. Thank you for this tasty house-made quiche.

Feels odd to be here in San Francisco again. There is road construction in my neighborhood. Loud booming noises of sledgehammer-like machines as I sit here, basking in the sun. And I hear Ekhardt Tolle say allow the sounds to move through or pass you without getting caught up in them! Easier said than done yet for some reason...right now, I am doing just that! WOW! How amazing! The sounds passed through me.

Change...inevitable! How to be in harmony with change. How in harmony with what is.

All Good!
Buen Camino!

Re-entry Continued -- Past, Present, Future

Today is Tuesday, 15 January 2013. I have this book that accompanies a card deck "Tao" by Timothy Freke. To help me move through my re-entry.  The heaviness.  The fog.  The de-pression.  Last week I began to sit quietly for a moment. with this book in my hands, then I ask Source, what am I to sit with today.  I then open the book, allowing it open where it will.

Synchonistically, today is the third time in 9 days that the book opened to the following.  Thank you for the reminders!

"Without desire or fear every dilemma spontaneously arrives at its natural solution."  Zhun Mang

"Desire makes up pull the future to us and fear makes us push it away.  Both fear and desire are rooted in the past.  Desire is the memory of pleasure that we seek to repeat, and fear is the memory of pain that we seek to avoid.  Fear and desire are our projections of the past into the future that prevent us fully experiencing the present........Our hopes and worries obscure the reality of the here and now, and prevent us living in harmony with Tao."

Yes, for each step I took away from Santiago and towards the life I left to go a-traveling and walk El Camino, I moved away from the simplicity of the here and now and of the El Camino. And towards the here and now of here. Where my fears, desires, wants, expectations awaited my return. "That" No surprise that I feel this heaviness, this fog, this de-pression from "That" pressing against me. As I allowed my desires, my fears to take me away from the present. And what great teachers "That" is being. As I hear El Camino whisper in my ear now "here and now". And the reading whisper "in harmony with what is".

Yes, I could fight the desires. The fears. The fog. The heaviness. The de-pression. I could deny them. I could do things to "cheer" me. And that would not be living in harmony with what is.

What "That" is teaching me is "knowing" when I am not here and now and instead in the past, the future, both. And for that I am grateful. As I hear El Camino again whisper in my ear now "here and now". And the reading again whisper "in harmony with what is".

I smile.

I am grateful for "That" and what I am learning from "That". How to give space to the energy of "That" and not allow myself to get draw into it.

I am grateful for the sun that is shining through the window and gracing the wall with its light. Illuminating the room with its brilliance. Warming this chilly room.

I am grateful for the bed I am sitting on that provided a warm, cozy place of rest and sleep last night.

I am grateful for this peaceful landing spot that Tom offered.

I am grateful for Tom's support and patience as "That" and I sat with each other. Not easy to be with someone when they are in the midst of "That"

I am grateful for the luzxury of a washer and dryer that I am using to wash sheets and towels.

I am grateful for the water from the tap that I am drinking as I type.

I am grateful for the gorgeous evergreen tree I see outside the window as I lay down in the bed for a rest.

I am grateful for the use and access to all six senses to "know" the path that I am to take in any given moment, to "see" the myriad of colors as I glance around this room, to "feel" the coolness of the floor permeate the thick soles of the shoes I'm wearing, to "smell" the sweetness of silence, to "hear" the sounds of life outside this apartment, to "taste" the film of last night's sleep and rest still lingering in my mouth.

I am grateful for the many blessings bestowed on me.

Thank you "That"! Thank you Source! Thank you God!

Buen Camino!

Re-Entry Continued -- Thursday, 10 January 2013

I arrived back in the Bay Area late on 31 December 2013. My boyfriend Tom picked me up at SFO airport. And chauffeured me to his home. I had asked in December if it was okay to stay with him until my tenant vacated during January. He said yes.

As he said to me in the month prior to my return, he wanted to create a safe landing spot for my re-entry. I had been in a holy space for a long time. I figured re-entry might be tough. Tough is an under-statement.

He lives in Mill Valley. It's quiet where he lives except for the early morning delivery trucks that rumble down the one-way street in front of his apartment building. There's a redwood tree park within 5-minute walking distance of his apartment. And lots of walking trails. And he asked what food provisions I wanted since I'd be arriving late on the day before a holiday!

1 January 2013 is a blur of moments - happy, silly, fun, romantic, poetic, argumentative, contentionous. As I look back, he told me on 2 January before he went off to work -- to take it easy, sleep, curl up and rest. Did I listen. Not truly. And the body knows...best!

Sunday, 6 January...I wake up tired, despite 8 plus hours of sleep! So I called in sick. Metaphorically since I am retired. Gave myself permission to curl up in bed after Tom went to work and opened Christmas cards. Looked though magazines. Sipped tea.

Same the next day...realized had not done this for at least four months. All the time I was a-traveling, I had not carved out time to just stay in bed all day and chill.

Tom is spot on - I am depressed! Yes, as I look back since 1 January, I was pressing forward into my life back here and the body de-pressed (de- prefix means not or reverse). Thank you body!

Body said let's do this again when I awoke on Tuesday, so I laid in bed watching TED talks on video. And the mind said no more laying about...let's wash clothes. And sweep the floors. And go the the library. And walk the dog. And cook some food. And attend the Art Walk down the street.

Yesterday morning...I awake to not only tiredness...again. Again...left wrist and shoulder joints/tendons are inflamed! I notice this time they are also throbbing. So I called in sick. Did a quiet sit. Then read all day.

Today, I realize they are angry that I am not taking this time to rest as I re-enter. Even walking the dog tires me out. And a walk in nature is good, yet it tires me also.

Welcome to my re-entry! Leaving Santiago and re-entering the world after walking Camino Frances and Camino Fisterre, gave me mini-previews into this present moment. Thank you for that!!!!! For that I am grateful to have slowly moved from Santiago to Madrid. Madrid to Lake Waccamaw, NC. Lake Waccamaw, NC to Mill Valley, CA. And soon...Mill Valley to my physical home in San Francisco, CA. And notice what I noticed. And follow the body's requests -- most of the time :-)

And listen to folks who remind me. I walked a holy space for a long time and now am moving down from that holy space. Or that I was in a magical, mystical, spiritual place and moving back into here and now.

All Good! To be with what is! And go from there!

Buen Camino!

P.S. This is a great TED talk I saw on Tuesday that reminded me of my Camino and the power of gratefulness and being present to nature.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

I landed back into the Bay Area late evening on 31 December!

As I sit here chilling...taking my time to land into this time zone. And the environment..circumstances I left on 1 September. Well what comes to me is the essence of El Camino. Well the essence for me. Stay present. Appreciation. Gratitude. For??

...for the warm, comfortable bed I slept in last night!

...for the time to sit and stretch..meditate..chill out!

...for this beautiful, sunny, blue sky day!

...for the graceful trees I saw on my walk down the city sidewalk. Trees devoid of leaves yet so beautiful in their nakedness!

...for the food I am eatting as I type!

...for my boyfriend who supported me from a-far while I was away all this time.

...for the deep conversations he and I had last night.

...for him holding the space while I got emotional--sad, frustrated, angry.

...for the fab-o kiss we gave each other this morning

...for the heart-felt 'I love you' I whispered into his ear.

...for the embrace he gave me before leaving out to work and the 'I love you' also.

...for all the things that have me feel wanted, loved, successful!

...for this time where I can do whatever I want!

Yes...what we focus on manifests...and that was punctuated with my experiences as I walked El Camino!

So I smile as I return to life away from El Camino and focus on love, gratitude, respect, joy, laughter, appreciation!

Balanced Hugs!

Buen Camino!