Clearing Of Items..Continued

Good Morning Thursday, 6 June 2013. 06/06. Been two months since my last blog post.

And what a ride it has been. A lot of noticing the thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs either that show up as I decide to keep or discard items in my home. Or get into emotional, difficult arguments with Tom so they grow our relationship versus destroy.

Thank you Source for guiding me during April to complete the Managing Anger 8-week course & the Overcoming Hoarding 6-week course. And seeking a somatic psychotherapist. All Good to emotionally and mentally support me as I take "a lot of noticing" and practice different responses.

The Overcoming Hoarding course helped me identify my "keeping" and "avoiding" thoughts and beliefs as I go from item to item. So that now I practice "letting go" thoughts.....one item at a time. And practice "do I truly need this" thoughts.....one item at a time.

The Managing Anger course helped me identify the triggers, the feelings that preceded my angry reaction. Now I practice how to articulate what I am feeling, thinking, believing. "Responding" feels way more powerful, loving, caring than "reacting", so that soon I will react the same way I respond.

The therapy provides me a professional space to be witnessed and heard, so that in that space, I find whatever it is I need to continue my day-to-day practices.

And where am I today....how am I?

Exhausted. Grieving. The past seven days I balanced between self-care and setting up for a garage sale that my neighbor and I had this past Saturday and Sunday. And then taking down after the sale. The folks from my Overcoing Hoarding course were great in providing moral support. As were Tom, my friends and sister Nancy. Now I am just feeling the effects of letting go of a lot of items. There were the items donated on Tuesday. And items still left to be donated. And the items boxed and taken into my storage unit in the basement for the next garage sale. Am proud of me and all the items that left my living space. Yet today, I feel the emptiness of the drawers, shelves, space in rooms. The sadness mixed with euphoria of accomplishment. The grateful mixed with loneliness as I sit in silence here now, typing.

Yes, this is grieving as I am reminded of this definition from The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman...."Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." And I am reminded that I am betwixt-between.....transitioning from my former way of being into a different way of being.....practicing different ways of responding. Definitely time to be extra-kind and extra-gentle to myself. As I learned walking Camino de Santiago, some days I just need to stay in one place, not walk and instead rest, en-joy not walking. And so it is in Life.

On that note.....time for food, water, and rest.