Grief

Thursday, 26 March 2009 11:53 PM PDT

Grief - the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern or behavior. (Grief Recovery Book)

Well, I actually "said" the other day to two friends. And then at this week's meeting of a women's support group I joined through CPMC. I am grieving. Grieving the me that is no longer. The familiar that is no longer. Less stamina. Less energy. My physical stuff tries to keep me from grieving. Either way I am hurting or in pain. And I'm not sure how to grieve. Yet I know that this time I must grieve not just for my current losses - for any past loss I dismissed, glossed over, ignored. And by doing so, failed to grieve & honor BEFORE moving on.

And a pattern here. Endings and transition - want to get past them as quick as possible so I can get to the next beginning. Yet as I sit and type this, I feel the hurt, pain, sadness, disappointment if a friend were to dismiss, gloss over, or ignore me. So what makes me think that Loss does not feel likewise, when I dismiss, gloss over, or ignore Loss. AHA - time to have a conversation with the me that is no longer so that whatever feelings are expressed, completed.