healing work on me

Sunday, 29 March 2009 11:00 AM PDT

WOW! What a day yesterday! Kept repeating WOW on the ride home last night.

Left my house @ 8:45 AM to meet my ride to Dancing With Source workshop. Wondering if I should go as I woke up with a dull pain in my tooth & the gum above it. OUCH! They had been below the radar screen since Tuesday night and now were quite loud in wanting my attention. AND what better place to be than at my advanced energetic healing workshop. "Before anything happens physically, it happens energetically." (Dancing with Source materials). Besides this was definitaly NOT an emergency to call my dentist. AND the idea of an anti-inflammatory was last on the list of ideas to address this.

Plus I have come to learn AND trust, whatever is happening to me in that moment fits into whatever process we'll be learning at my monthly Dancing With Source workshop. As our teacher Ashley & I greeted and hugged each other, she asked how I was. And I responded about the pain in my tooth and gum. And she smiled and said she had a number to give me. Then turned to go get the number. I felt my self constrict. I felt heard yet was I? I doubted. Well, the answer was YES. For when we all came together to start our workshop, Ashley said before we start, we will help Nina with her tooth and gum. And before we can fill her with this number for healthy gum and teeth, we must prepare her system to receive it, because it does not. She told the class that she picked this up when she handed me post-it with the number and felt my energy field constrict as if it did not want to receive the number, even though I physically took the post-it & thanked her. Thus the energetic healing of me for that moment began. It was around I believe (can't recall exactly) letting go of the health. WOW! When she asked how I was at the end of the healing work, I felt fabulous. AND my tooth & gum definitely less painful (and loud)!

My receiving continued. And giving. We paired up after lunch to practice. My partner and I had the same topic: what prevents you from standing in your power? what do you need to stand in your power? For me, fear prevented me and trust enables me. We both felt better through & through about standing in our power at the end of our practice.

Then there was two persons receiving healing work from the group. That was awesome as well.

AND I guess I did ask for more practice, just did not mean that night (be mindful AND clear what you ask for LOL). Ashley and three of us went afterwards to eat at Cafe Gratitude. And a friend came over to talk to Ashley. 30 ?? minutes later, she asked if we were up to doing more work. Then I understood the reason for what I had ordered: besides my usual "I am healthy" juice, I ordered a fresh coconut water (hydrates better than water) AND a shot of E3Live (a superfood to boost your energy). Did not make sense at the time I ordered as I was NOT tired and NOT dehydrated. Yet I figured why not? Little did I know I would be working after dinner.

I LOVE this work! And concur with what one of the participants said before our workshop ended: that which each of us heals in ourselves, also heals that in the world. That alone incents me to continue this work. This is my legacy. And to facilitate the healing work that another wants - what a gift! AND this builds on all the tools I continue to integrate into "me": the CTI coaching tools, the CTI leadership tools, the organization & relationship systems coaching (ORSC) tools. Well, well, well......on 08 October 2008, I began to ask Source to open a new road for me today. The road is often right in front of me, if only I would open all of me to "see" it. And to actually choose to take it.

Grief

Thursday, 26 March 2009 11:53 PM PDT

Grief - the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern or behavior. (Grief Recovery Book)

Well, I actually "said" the other day to two friends. And then at this week's meeting of a women's support group I joined through CPMC. I am grieving. Grieving the me that is no longer. The familiar that is no longer. Less stamina. Less energy. My physical stuff tries to keep me from grieving. Either way I am hurting or in pain. And I'm not sure how to grieve. Yet I know that this time I must grieve not just for my current losses - for any past loss I dismissed, glossed over, ignored. And by doing so, failed to grieve & honor BEFORE moving on.

And a pattern here. Endings and transition - want to get past them as quick as possible so I can get to the next beginning. Yet as I sit and type this, I feel the hurt, pain, sadness, disappointment if a friend were to dismiss, gloss over, or ignore me. So what makes me think that Loss does not feel likewise, when I dismiss, gloss over, or ignore Loss. AHA - time to have a conversation with the me that is no longer so that whatever feelings are expressed, completed.

Connection......Diet

Thursday 26 March 2009 10:30 AM PDT

Each morning as I sit & eat my breakfast salad or do my morning pages, I pull from two card decks, the bottom card. Today's cards I wanted the thoughts to ripple out into the world. So here goes my intention......

Connection. Connect with someone special. A loved one is a gift to treasure. Cheryl Richardson's Self-Care cards

Illness begins in the stomach, and diet is the main remedy. (7) Be mindful today of how you nourish your body with healthful food. Feed your spirit with self-respect and self-love, allowing only healthy thoughts and feelings to enter your being. Carolyn Myss' Healing cards.

These two cards are interwined today for me (after re-reading my morning pages) - for my someone special is me, my self, and I. And healthy thoughts, feelings, food, conversations, activities, etc, etc sounds YUMMY!

Fantasy & Humor; Cleanse & Clear

Sunday, 22 March 2009 12:15 PM PDT

Before I went to sleep last night, I kept rubbing my fingers: the trigger finger in my left index finger hurt. The trigger finger in my right middle finger hurt. Both thumbs hurt. Arthritis speaking loudly.

Trigger finger is a swelling within a tendon sheath. Plus my fingers definitely felt inflamed.

And rather than focus on my physical, I went to Louise Hay's Heal Your Body little blue book and looked up:
thumb--intellect & worry
index finger--ego & fear
middle finger--anger & sexuality
inflammation--fear, inflamed thinking
swelling--being stuck in thinking

And before I went to sleep, I asked that throughout the night while I am deeply and completely sleeping that Everyone do whatever processes were necessary to heal my congruence with fear, worry, anger. And replace it with unconditional love, compassion, gratitude.

Well, 10+ hours of sleep later, I awoke this morning to a sense of stillness, tiredness. AND then the flood of thoughts, to-dos, etc, etc, flooded me. Was so overwhelmed I had to do 'morning pages'. GREAT way to download all that stuff from my mind. So I could then enjoy my breakfast salad. And stare @ the clouds outside my kitchen window. JUST breathe in the peaceful! Inhale! Exhale!

And then I took my cards from the bottom of each deck, to set the tone for my day.

Achievement. Chase your dreams. You may be surprised by where they lead you. Cheryl Richardson's Self-Care card deck

To heal the body, first heal the mind. (20) Today is for observation. Where does your mind wander naturally -- into fear or fantasy, humor or stress? Follow your mind, and observe wher it goes to feed itself. Do you like what you see? Carolyn Myss's Healing card deck

All that I had been writing this morning, fed into these two cards. And what my friend Gloria has asked in an e-mail yesterday - are you still cleansing & clearing?

And I noticed that my fingers did not hurt as much as they did when I went to bed the night before. And my two trigger fingers were not sticking, clicking, hurting. Usually the mornings are the worst for all this.

My morning pages this morning showed that my mental body wanders towards fear & stress. And my fingers showed that somewhere in my system is worry, anger, fear. So for today, I will feed my system, and not just my mental body, with fantasy & humor.

Was great to then talk to Gloria on the phone - her energy is definitely fantasy & humor. Good to get that infusion. And to laugh, laugh, laugh! Appreciate it my dear!

FANTASY & HUMOR
CLEANSE & CLEAR

LOL LOL LOL

reflections on my self-care re-treat

Thursday 19 March 2009 10:17 PM PDT

1 to 17 March -- self-care re-treat here @ home. Looking backwards - needed the time to re-balance myself. Too much focus on my physical body for the past three months. Not enough on my emotional & spiritual bodies. And my mental body enjoying all the research to help the physical body.

Re-balancing to help re-store my system from the 19-week chelation that ended in January. The 21-day Standard Process purification program I did with my practioner in Feb. AND all that those two processes released, not just from my physical, also my emotional & mental bodies. Oh my, A LOT released. And release keeps coming in dribs and drabs now. ALL good! AND my system definitely needs time to heal. And for that it needs energy. Rest and sleep. And I do love my sleep : - ) This past 5 or 6 months is a test to see what I have learned (or NOT) from the past 24 months LOL LOL LOL about listening to each and every body of mine (collectively, my system).

My mental body is often so strong (no surprise there).
My emotional body is often silent or quiet (no surprise there).
My physical body likes to fight with the other two (no surprise there)
Talk about internal stress - no wonder my system is tired LOL LOL
And getting them all congruent around one subject, especially if it's for the highest good - well that's where I ask Source (and anyone else who wants to help) -- help me get my system congruent!

AND today, they all agreed -- I'm grieving! The losses....of the me before all the physical stuff started happening. The me I thought I knew. The methods or processes that don't work today that used to work before. Friends I would see all the time and now see or talk to every so often. Any familiar and comfortable stuff that is no longer. AND I sense losses unbeknowing to my conscious that were not grieved when they happened in the past. As a friend said last night, now that my physical stuff is not so overwhelming--taking front and center, the emotional stuff can now be heard.

And today's Cheryl Richardson Self-Care card was so appropriate in general for me....
Decisions. Honor your top priorities. If it's not an absolute yes, then it's a no.

Much appreciation Everyone!

Leap of Faith

9 March 2009 11 am PDT

Well, I am certainly getting opportunities to stand up for my-self. Like the MD (who first ordered the heavy metals test and recommended chelation). When I called for an appt, the earliest appt was two months away. So I made the appt and decided to mail him my questions & leave him a voicemail asking if he could get back to me before the appt. No response. A week later, I left another voicemail. No response. By this time, I'm fuming inside (and not even considering the impact on my health or my adrenals). So I call his office to find out if he's in. He has been in for the past two weeks, yet behind in responding to patient voicemails. Now I'm really fuming, so I leave him a voicemail that starts out calm. And somewhere in there I say not acknowledging my voicemail and written questions (either himself or his office), is both rude and un-professional. After I ended the call, boy did I feel good and bad at the same time. Healthy ego felt good. Self-sacrifice felt bad. Hmmmm? Good to know this going forward.

Releasing dark emotions is a challenge for me. Seems the detoxing is releasing more than just the toxic metals. And that for me, is a VERY GOOD thing.

Meanwhile, the MD finally called me back. AND his office. To apologize. And schedule an appt (which I had last Friday). And all that was refreshing. WOW my MD is human. Plus he discounted my visit fee due to his not returning my call promptly. And the 45-minute consultation was full of info & discussion. For now, I think I've found the MD who can be my sounding board for the research I do. And what various practioners tell me.

If anything I've learned in the past 2 years, there's pro and con for this protocol and that protocol. And in the end, it's a leap of faith. Which brings me full circle to my spiritual and emotional exercises! All of this -- a test of my faith and trust! In me! In Source! In my connection to everything! Sometimes experience is the only way I learn something! LOL! LOL!

As for the physical stuff going on with me. Well, my body definitely needs a break from the chelation. So am starting a protocol to re-balance my vitamin/mineral im-balances. There is research done that vitamin/mineral imbalances can cause the body to store toxic metals. Re-balancing the mineral levels and corresponding ratios of certain minerals (along with other lifestyle areas like nutrition, exercise, sleep, rest, stress management) can cause the body to release toxic metals that it does not need due to the mineral imbalances. Will try this for 2-3 months and then re-test. Appears to be gentler way of getting the toxic metals out of my system. The MD is onboard with me takinga break from the DMSA chelation given the reaction towards the end of it. Plus he wants to talk during our next consult about my spiritual practices. He believes that miracles do happen. And some of his patients have healed themselves solely through their spiritual.

OK Source, I can take a hint! My daily spiritual balancing and healing are very important! Onward ho!

2 weeks of self-care

Thursday, 5 March 2009 11:19 AM PST

Well, it's good to feel and know that getting back into my spiritual and emotional exercises is not like starting all over again. Boy oh boy the disempowering or distracting talk I give myself LOL! LOL!

Am very glad I gave myself these two weeks of self-care. And I now understand - of re-balancing my three-legged stool of physical, spiritual, emotional. To re-connect with my intention of being a well-being. To notice when I go towards things that nurture that intention. And when I get distracted.

For example, on Monday, I did a walking meditation for the first time in a long while. And after the 15-minute tape was complete, I felt, really felt the difference in all of me from when I started (scattered, hurried, wanting to get to my errands) and when I ended (calm, peaceful, knowing that none of the errands needed to be done today). And it helped me the rest of the day when I was tempted to quickly try and do a lot of things. Or walk fast to get somewhere. All when I felt tired. I say tempted because instead I chose to rest/nap. Self-care smiling at me!

Then there is a daily exercise I had not done since the holidays -- my spiritual balancing (chakras, subtle energy bodies, planetary energies, full spectrum color, other areas). Instead of letting myself get distracted into doing other things, I set aside time to go through this practice. Yesterday and today, noticing how hurried I felt, wanting to get this done so I could move on to other things). AND instead of giving into that impatience AND giving up the balancing, I continued on until I completed the balancing. Realized at the end that I was NOT as un-balanced as I thought and believed (operative words thought & believed) I was.

Even being off e-mail for three days was nourishing! YUMMY!

Thank you physical de-pression for reminding me to nourish my emotional and spiritual!

AND not to forget how am I physically - tiredness has returned. And like de-pression. tiredness wants me to slow down and take good self-care. For I will want all three as I move deeper into me and heal whatever I find.

time to reality-check

Monday, 2 March 2009 10:45 AM PDT

GREAT healing work. Slept 9 hours. And dreamt of looking for a new house with a realtor. Metaphorically, house = self. And this is where I find myself today -- letting go of the old self and the way things used to be, looking for the new self and the way things are becoming. In transition.

And seems a good place to reality-check. From the heart. Not the mind. And to remember self-care in honoring Saturday's work!

So I took out this that I had copied from Kathy Freston’s Quantum Wellness book, her Eight Pillars of Wellness. And I added mine Sleep/Rest at the very top just because I LOVE my sleep! Ask my heart - what am avoiding in my training for Life and Well-being! Today! Not to go back and feel guilty about the past! Yet to just focus on today. And what I notice today!

I put Sleep/Rest @ the top of my list - definitely NOT been avoiding this one! Thank You Source for giving me good sleep every night!

Meditation -- yes, avoiding

Visualization -- yes, avoiding

Fun activities (and laughter) -- no and these are distracting me from time with the other activities

Conscious eating -- yes eatting and yet not consciously. more hurried @ times so I can get to the next activity. instead of savoring, enjoying, loving every minute of eatting and what I'm eatting.

Exercise -- ok here, the daily walks. the weekly tai chi and feldenkrais class. this is sufficient to keep my whole body in movement. and eventually my full range of movement will return.

Spiritual practice -- huge avoid here. for about three months. and noticing how easily I let other activities take its place. Old. And new. No wonder the body has been de-pressing me the past month or so. And signaling me in other ways.

Self-work -- yes and now it's time to dig deeper in the emotional baggage. Explore a room or two in this house called Me that have not been opened in a while.

Sometimes I have to go through the baggage. be in the baggage. talk to the baggage. listen to the baggage. in order to come out of the baggage with a different view. Does NOT mean I love the process. Am willing to show up and see what happens.

Time for a little walking meditation to honor today! Self-care! And see what happens from there!

GREAT energetic healing yesterday!

Sunday, 1 March 2009 9:16 pm PDT

GREAT energetic healing yesterday! I slept almost 12 hours last night! And even took a nap in the afternoon! Even now, I am tired so will soon go to sleep. Practicing good self-care for the next 3-4 days. Our facilitator said to give ourselves 2 days to integrate the healing. Have learned I need twice as much time to re-coup my energy.

Yet wanted to note this. When I woke up, one of the thoughts I had was remembering something I had read a number of years ago by Christine Northrup, MD. About how women get physical signals when they cycle each month so all their life they have opportunities to address the underlying issues that are creating the physical signals. And that when they reach menopause, if they have not addressed these issues, then the body is yelling.

Had to go find the passage......
p.39 The Wisdom of Menopause.
"PMS With its physical and emotional discomfort, PMS is one way a woman's body elbows her every month to remind her of the growing backlog of unresolved issues accumulating within her. Everything from un-balanced nutrition to un-resolved relations can disrupt the normal hormonal milieu, wreaking physical and emotional havoc during the childbearing years. Igoring these early, relatively gentle nudges month after month sets her up for sharper and more urgent messages. Inconvenient as they are, these pains are our allies, begging us to look up and see what's not working in our lives. And the body is persistent.

Periomenopause. PMS times ten. Safe bet that any uncomfortable symptoms that reveal themselves during times of hormonal shift will be magnified and prolonged if a woman is carrying a heavy load of emotional baggage."

I recall when I read that many years ago, I wondered what menopause would be like for me. Given my PMS symptoms were generally quite tired on the first day or two of my period. And at times craving for spicy foods.

Today when I read this, I could see where as much as I had relieved myself of a lot of emotional baggage along the way, there was stuff I was carrying that I either did not know about or denied. No wonder the physical was so fatigued in 2007 when I crossed into menopause that year. Physical body said "Time to stop & un-load the baggage!" While I feel much lighter today, the physical body is still struggling--signaling that un-resolved, un-healed issues await my attention! And not tonight.

Time for sleep & rejuevenating the mind, body, spirit!