Apologizing

It's Wednesday, 30 July 2014 and I am flying from Raleigh, NC to Richmond, VA.  By way of Boston.  Ahhh...the luxury of time combined with paying the least amount for the airfare :-) Richmond is my hometown and I have not been back for a long visit for 11 years.

Anywho...the flight gives me time to process an apology I want to give for something that happened today.  A written apology I received a few months ago.  An apology I want to receive for something that happened two days ago, yet has not been given.

The first has me wonder 'do I need to apologize?'  The second 'somehow the apology does not feel like one, what's missing?'  The third 'how do I tell the person that what they did hurt?'

I have an audiobook on apologies and how to experience healing in all our relationships (5 Languages Of Apology by Gary Chapman).  Off and on I listen to the audiobook.  As I process through the feelings from the three situations.  As I stare out the airplane window at the clouds there.  Noticing how I defend what I did or said.  Or defend the other person's actions or reactions.  Or tell myself to just let it go.

The audiobook is helpful as I realize Sincerity and Authenticity are key to a successful apology.  And this is not so easy since what is Sincere and Authentic for me as I apologize may not be perceived as Sincere and Authentic by the one receiving the apology.

Plus I definitely need to practice apologizing since I admit...saying I am wrong....I am sorry...I will try not to do that again...What can I do to make this right? is at times difficult.  And difficult for me to admit it.  LOL LOL ... perhaps that is the reason Source is putting these situations before me....so I can practice!  Source, you are too funny!

Now it is Friday, 15 August 2014 and I can finish this post.  Where was I?  Ahhhh yes,  five ways an apology can be given...

1--expressing regret for the offense

2--accepting responsibility for one's actions, including failures, mistakes,

3--making restitution, making things right.

4--genuinely repenting

5--requesting forgiveness

And these three questions from the audiobook helped me figure out my three situations:

--What do I expect the person to say or do that would make it possible for me to genuinely forgive him/her?  And which one of the five ways is the most important if I could only have one?

--What hurts me most deeply about this situation?

--When I apologize to others, which of these five ways do I think is most important?

In the first situation, yes, I want to apologize.  And I have.  I feel our relationship has deepened.

In the second situation, the apology was negated by the blame that immediately followed the apology.  This one I decided not to do anything with because I make-up that it will not matter.  When I look deeper into myself, I do not want to invest time and energy into a relationship where the person defends their behavior by blaming me.

In the third, how else would the person know the impact of his/her actions unless I say I was hurt!  So I mustered up my courage because this relationship means a lot to me and said how I felt. And the person did not know the impact.  A genuine and sincere apology was offered.  I feel our relationship is deepened.

This poem I wrote comes to mind....

Moment by moment.

Interaction by interaction.

Builds connection.

Diminishes connection.

Which do I choose?

Interaction by interaction.

Moment by moment.

Fire Truck Parade

It's Saturday, 26 July 2014...and I get the experience of having a plan (leave the house by a certain time so we can see the fire truck parade in downtown Raleigh) be changed at the last minute.  The 3 year old does not want to go.  And no amount of coaxing, talking, threatening to leave her behind is stopping her from crying.  And in the end...while we did not see the parade, we did see the fire trucks parked at the end of the route.  Including a very old steam powered fire engine.  And it was a hot day, even in the shade, so we were spared a hot day standing and watching fire trucks parading.  Perhaps the three year old knew something we did not :-)

After Four Days....It's The Weekend!

It's Wednesday, 23 July 2104...and while I am sound asleep...restoring my energy from the past four days :-) my niece is at daycare.  She volunteered to lead some activities for her two kids' classes!  She's a 5th grade teacher at a school with summer's off, so summer gives her the time to volunteer at her kids' daycare.

This week's focus (changes each week) is dinosaurs (one of my grand-nephew's favorite topics).  Next week's is knights and princesses.  My niece fills me in on the activities after I arrived this past Saturday.  What I missed was that she (not the day care teachers) was leading the activities!  So when she told my sister and I last night that we could sleep in, while she took the kids to daycare and stayed to do the activities--it still did not register that she was teaching versus participating.  Obviously her looking for miniature dinosaurs the prior two days or buying roti pasta during our grocery buying, did not clue me either :-)

Fast forward to me in the kitchen when she arrived back home around 10:30.  My sister is still sleeping.  Where does my niece get all her energy (I think) as she responds to my "how did the activities go?".  She describes all the activities while showing me photos that one of the teachers took for her.  Only then did it register...she's teaching these activities!

Making dinosaur footprint cookies by using pre-made sugar cookie dough and pressing a plastic dinosaur figure into the cut dough, baking, voila!

Making dinosaur bones by gluing the dry roti pasta on an outline of a dinosaur.  Then gluing uncooked oatmeal around it to represent earth.  This is my grand-niece's.  She's three years old and did this all on her own.  What an awesome job she did!!!!

Enclosing the miniature dinosaur with sand (made from a mixture of coffee grounds and sand) that hardens in a day or so -- creating a dinosaur egg which when cracked after the sand mixture has dried... has the 'baby' inside.  I never did get to see the egg cracked open :-(

And for her two kids, we made Jello dinosaurs that afternoon while her kids were playing.  With extra unflavored gelatin added (like my mother made Jello so we could hold the Jello pieces with our fingers while eating them).  The Jello dinosaurs would be an after-dinner surprise.

Then off to t-ball.  It's picture taking day.

Thursday came soon enough for my sister since she went with my niece at 8 am to take the two kids to daycare.  Then off to the sellers' pre-sale at the Kids Exchange sale.  I had the luxury of sleeping in.  And quiet.  And stillness.  Much appreciated!!!!!!!

They got lots of toys for Christmas and now.  Like this Lego block set, which my 5 year old very creative grand-nephew takes from this...

And creates this...

And here's the Jello dinosaurs...

The kids were excited about the shapes. And the texture!  I don't think they like the taste.

P.S.  We went to the first day of the public Kids Exchange sale on Friday.  Not too crowded as it is a Friday.  Even so....the checkout line went around the building before starting a S line to the cashiers!  My niece waited an hour to checkout!  Worth it because she got some great clothes for her kids.  At their age...they will outgrow them in another year, so better on the budget to spend $5 versus $40 for an item of clothing!

What A Day...Part 2

It's Tuesday, 22 July at night...reflecting...

I thought yesterday was tiring!

Well today...it's a packed day starting with...my niece loaded her car trunk with items to take to the Kids Exchange that she is selling.  The Exchange happens this Friday through Sunday, in Raleigh at the fairgrounds.

http://kxconsignment.com/

Once there, we had to find where to place the items.  I can only imagine this place filled with buyers when the sale starts on Friday!

And this is just one of two buildings!!

Next...pick up the five year old at day care!  I love that my niece and her husband have both kids in a Spanish speaking only daycare.  The kids love the daycare.  And their teachers!

Then onto Michael's for miniature dinosaurs for an activity at the daycare.  For each child to make dinosaur fossil.  We looked the other day at Walmart - nothing.  Dollar Tree - zip.  Michael's was also nada!  And my niece saw this sand that never dries out and was on sale -- for her kids!

Onward ho to the teacher's store ISO of cheap miniature dinosaurs!  EUREKA!  No picture...yet! :-)

Next stop Costco.  I have a card.  My niece does not so it's a-shopping we go!

And she found raincoats for the two kids!  The kids unfortunately would not let me take a photo :-| when tried them on at home :-|

And a Ninja Turtle sweatshirt for the five year old. Cute!

Then back to daycare to pickup the three year old.  All were outside playing.

And you know me and the word 'Nina' en español!

Mission Accomplished:  stay away from home most of the day, to allow my niece's husband peace, quiet, sleep since he leaves for work at 5 PM.

Three year old models her two new used sweatshirts.  She is such a cutie!  My niece is part of a community buy-sell group on Facebook. Buyer leaves items on porch.  Seller leaves money under the doormat or in the mailbox.  All on the honor system!  What a fab idea!  Love it!

My sister cooks dinner!  Yummmmmm...stuffed bitter melon!

While the kids entertain me :-) with their poses :-). 

Or ask me thoughtful questions :-)

Or cause me to laugh!

YUP ... HUGE kudos to all parents of young children! To work AND care for young children is challenging at all levels!  Thank you Sara and Doug for the experience of seeing what your life of a family of four is like on a day-to-day!  Much appreciated!  I Love All Of You...even when the kids are have meltdowns :-)

P.S.  I slept 12 hours that night :-)

What A Day

Today is Monday...21 July...9 pm.  What A Day!  I Am Tired!!!!!!

Woke up around 7 a.m. for a departure by 8:30 to a farm two and a half hours driving.  My niece, her husband, the 5-year old, the 3-year old, my sister, and moi!

Turns out the weather changed our plans en-route...

So instead we headed to the Museum of Life and Science.  Good Call since the rain started coming down and stopped before we got to the Museum.  The Museum is great for kids.  Lots of interactive exhibits for learning and touching.  Here's my grand-niece playing.  My sister built the tower.

Or exhibits of live insects.  Like this one that looks like a leaf.

Or this beetle.

And then there was the outdoor area.  The Dinosaur trail where I escaped the dinosaur :-). See other blog post :-) This is the kids' favorite, especially my grand-nephew!  He knows the names of every type of dinosaur on the trail!

And the butterfly habitat was great!

Then onto lunch of pizza.

Then onto dance class for the three year old.

And then t-ball for the five year old.  He's the middle child in the photo.

We were home by 7:30 pm and fixing food for the two kids.  And then the four adults!  I give my niece and her husband a lot of kudos and lots of clapping for being great parents -- not an easy job!

I definitely was ready for bath and sleep by 9 pm!  No nap for me today!

Tomorrow is another non-stop day since my nephew-in-law goes to work at 6 pm so we'll stay out of the house most of the day to give him a quiet place for sleep.  Plus the five year old is in day-care half day while the three year old is there full-day.

Tomorrow is another day Scarlet would say :-)

I Escaped From The Dinosaur :-)

And so did my niece!

WHEWWWW!

:-)

Thanks To My Sister and Niece...More Corning Ware :-)

Thanks to my sister and niece...my Corning Ware collection is growing :-)

HMMMM....translation--when I get home, which kitchen cookware get donated ??

:-)

2-1/2 quart with a lid from my sister's cabinet!  Have this one already except no lid!  Now I have a lid!

22 ounce P-43-B bowls, with plastic lids no less, from my sister's cabinet!  So Cute!  And don't have these!

1 quart A-1-B casserole with lid from my niece's cabinets!  Have this already yet quinoa, lentils cook perfectly in this size!

Bitter Melon Fresh From Nancy and Lester' Garden. YUMMMMM!

Whenever I see bitter melon

Or hear those words...

I am taken into the memories of growing up with my mother, growing this veggie in her garden.  And all that is involved since I was usually tasked with one or all activities...

From planting the seeds

To watering the plants

To weeding the garden

To 'training' the vines to climb the string

To carefully touching the vines once the vines covered the rows (to avoid the bees that might be hitting the flowers on the vines), searching for the veggie hidden under the vine leaves.  Plus my folks let the vines run over two rows, so the covered row was a great play area for me after all my chores were done :-)

To LOVING the first picking being cooked up as bitter melon, beef, black bean stir fry.  Or bitter melon stuffed with a pork, egg, water chestnut mixture!  AND as important with the first picking -- the BITTERNESS of this veggie, which lessens with subsequent pickings,  DELISHHHHHH!  Thank you Nancy and Lester for this trip down yummy and tasty memory lane!