Well now, how am I? I tested the waters this past Sat & Sun. Tested my energy & stamina level. Assisted @ a two-day Organization & Relationship Systems (ORSC) Fundamentals course. And happy that it was 2-days. AND I set aside yesterday for processing, integration, rest. Even today, I am happy that I do not have anything on my calendar that I must do. All good. I needed to stretch my muscles so to speak. And see what I can do today. All in time. My energy and stamina level continues to get stronger as I continue to convalesce. Thank you God for these tests and challenges that help me stretch my choice muscles. My discernment muscles. My trust muscles. My self-care muscles. All my muscles! And in doing so I realize I have not been leaning into my friends. And asking for help from others. And I am about to do that with my home. Definitely stuff needs to be cleared out. Non-beneficial stuff to make room for the beneficial stuff. And for those who have known me a long time--there's a lot of stuff. So I will ask for help. And see what happens.
Plus a chat with a friend - something happened that scared the s--- out of me. Suddenly I was overcome with this very stern and powerful sounding voice that started telling her something. And I was thinking this is not me speaking for I could not stop talking. I told my friend this. WOW, talk about the voice of the system. Her system. And I realized what I said to her, I also needed to hear. Just as I make time to be with a dear friend. Just as I make time each day to be with my self. So it is that I make time to be with Source......daily. Not drive by time. Not when it's convenient. Scheduled time. Sacred time with self. with a friend. with Source. So I feel supported when things happen in my life. So I feel like I have a community beside me as I face anything: bliss, celebration, a decision, a problem, illness. And believe me, this relationship between God/Source and I was not always there. It took me finally, bellying up to the bar and laying down my contributions to all that had happened between us. Yes, the serenity prayer is a good one to remember. courage to change those things that I can. serenity to accept those I cannot. wisdom to know the difference. Thank you God/Source!
So how am I now? Humbled. Nauseated (physical symbol that something non-physical is wanting and will be released from me for there is no physical reason for this nausea). Peaceful. Tired.
And so I will end this blog entry with my responses to these two questions from Cafe Gratitude -- two questions come daily to my e-mail box. I don't always view & answer them. Today I felt called to respond. And to blog.
On Tue, Aug 18, 2009 at 11:00 AM, Chy Barr
What do you say you don't have enough of?
I don't have enough courage to release the stuff in my home that no longer serves it. To go through the grieving that comes from letting go of something familiar. Comfortable.
What is your gift to the world?
My williness to show up. To try. To fail.
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