choice and decision point

Friday, 3 April 2009 10:33 PM PDT

Well, what a day! Started off quite early for me as I dragged myself out of bed and then my home to my 9 AM (yes 9 AM) follow-up appointment with Dr. Michael (Cantwell). The integrative MD who had me test for heavy metal toxicity. Boy was I tired by the time I got there. Have been sleeping an average of 9 hours since I got sick way back when AND have gotten used to being tired when I wake up.

AND it was a 45-minute appt that gave me info I needed. For I'd been asking Source for help and guidance on what's blocking me. And I'd been getting signs this week also. We spent the bulk of the 45 minutes discussing where I was spiritually. And how that factored into where I was physically. I like Dr. Michael. He laser-ed into my core with some deep questions.

Bottom-line: I am fighting my-self. Or rather as he called them, my spiritual self and my pyschological self are fighting each other. And each represents the opposite of the other: The former trusts, does not need validation, does not need to please others, does not need to control. My physical & the lab work show autoimmune symptoms which is when the body attacks itself. He went on to say, this fits with my internal conflict & the two selves fighting. You are at a point of committment to one or the other self. Thus I now understand my tooth and gum bothering me since last Tues. Teeth according to Louise Hay's little blue book represents decisions. Until now, I figured it had to do with work path. And given Dr. Michael's comments, definitely at a decision point.

He offered alternatives for approaching this. And advocated chosing the spiritual self, since he felt it would better resolve the physical symptoms. And there are no guarantees. There are resources to make my choices. Struggle on my own. Ask for help all the time. Ask for help when I need it (this honors Spirit). Commit to choosing one self over the other so the conflict and fighting cease. And the balance goes one way. He could help with guided imagery or shamanic work. He figures if I chose the spiritual self, then things will flow. If I chose the psychological self, then my physical symptoms may not resolve.

As I left his office, I told him, he'd provided the information I had asked Source for. And thanked him. He wished me well and gave me a hug.

I knew exactly what I needed to do. I called Ashley to make a appointment to do some work. Time to get help with clearing this conflict and fighting from my system.

And in the meantime, the rest of the day flowed. I could so clearly hear the internal voice as I talked with former colleagues. I had stopped by my former office to give a friend some earrings. And had not intended to go into the office, until my friend invited me. Found myself seeing folks I had not seen since December or longer. And sharing about my morning appt with Dr. Michael. And me. And my Dancing with Source work. One minute it was 10:45 AM, next it was 2:30 PM and I could feel my energy dipping. Time for lunch and a nap. Later when I met up with a friend @ 5:30 PM to go to the DeYoung, I noticed distinctly that my energy level was very good. I felt quite light. And certain aches that had appeared that morning with no apparent cause or reason, were no longer. I hear Dr. Michael's voice: your experience gives you your evidence.