16 January 2013 Un Peregrino returns to My Home

It's 1 pm here on 16 January 2013 and I am on the bus. Stepping closer to My Home. She awaits my return. She awaits the conversation. So we will sit with each other for the next few days. She will be my peregrino friend for the next few days. We have been away from each other for over four months. And we have much to tell the other. And much time to sit in silence with each other.

Meanwhile, had to laugh...earlier I had a quiet sit, asked Source what am I to sit with today? Heard fears and desires, open the Tao book. Yup! The same page as yesterday! Yet today is not the same day as yesterday! Thank you for this day!

As I walked to the bus stop, someone had chalked near the bus stop BEE HERE NOW...with a bee buzzing from the word BEE. Photo does not do it justice yet I get the reminder Source :-). Thank you!

Meeting up with my tenant after 3 pm so there is time to have a bite to eat, bask in the sun at the local cafe. Thank you for this tasty house-made quiche.

Feels odd to be here in San Francisco again. There is road construction in my neighborhood. Loud booming noises of sledgehammer-like machines as I sit here, basking in the sun. And I hear Ekhardt Tolle say allow the sounds to move through or pass you without getting caught up in them! Easier said than done yet for some reason...right now, I am doing just that! WOW! How amazing! The sounds passed through me.

Change...inevitable! How to be in harmony with change. How in harmony with what is.

All Good!
Buen Camino!

Re-entry Continued -- Past, Present, Future

Today is Tuesday, 15 January 2013. I have this book that accompanies a card deck "Tao" by Timothy Freke. To help me move through my re-entry.  The heaviness.  The fog.  The de-pression.  Last week I began to sit quietly for a moment. with this book in my hands, then I ask Source, what am I to sit with today.  I then open the book, allowing it open where it will.

Synchonistically, today is the third time in 9 days that the book opened to the following.  Thank you for the reminders!

"Without desire or fear every dilemma spontaneously arrives at its natural solution."  Zhun Mang

"Desire makes up pull the future to us and fear makes us push it away.  Both fear and desire are rooted in the past.  Desire is the memory of pleasure that we seek to repeat, and fear is the memory of pain that we seek to avoid.  Fear and desire are our projections of the past into the future that prevent us fully experiencing the present........Our hopes and worries obscure the reality of the here and now, and prevent us living in harmony with Tao."

Yes, for each step I took away from Santiago and towards the life I left to go a-traveling and walk El Camino, I moved away from the simplicity of the here and now and of the El Camino. And towards the here and now of here. Where my fears, desires, wants, expectations awaited my return. "That" No surprise that I feel this heaviness, this fog, this de-pression from "That" pressing against me. As I allowed my desires, my fears to take me away from the present. And what great teachers "That" is being. As I hear El Camino whisper in my ear now "here and now". And the reading whisper "in harmony with what is".

Yes, I could fight the desires. The fears. The fog. The heaviness. The de-pression. I could deny them. I could do things to "cheer" me. And that would not be living in harmony with what is.

What "That" is teaching me is "knowing" when I am not here and now and instead in the past, the future, both. And for that I am grateful. As I hear El Camino again whisper in my ear now "here and now". And the reading again whisper "in harmony with what is".

I smile.

I am grateful for "That" and what I am learning from "That". How to give space to the energy of "That" and not allow myself to get draw into it.

I am grateful for the sun that is shining through the window and gracing the wall with its light. Illuminating the room with its brilliance. Warming this chilly room.

I am grateful for the bed I am sitting on that provided a warm, cozy place of rest and sleep last night.

I am grateful for this peaceful landing spot that Tom offered.

I am grateful for Tom's support and patience as "That" and I sat with each other. Not easy to be with someone when they are in the midst of "That"

I am grateful for the luzxury of a washer and dryer that I am using to wash sheets and towels.

I am grateful for the water from the tap that I am drinking as I type.

I am grateful for the gorgeous evergreen tree I see outside the window as I lay down in the bed for a rest.

I am grateful for the use and access to all six senses to "know" the path that I am to take in any given moment, to "see" the myriad of colors as I glance around this room, to "feel" the coolness of the floor permeate the thick soles of the shoes I'm wearing, to "smell" the sweetness of silence, to "hear" the sounds of life outside this apartment, to "taste" the film of last night's sleep and rest still lingering in my mouth.

I am grateful for the many blessings bestowed on me.

Thank you "That"! Thank you Source! Thank you God!

Buen Camino!

Re-Entry Continued -- Thursday, 10 January 2013

I arrived back in the Bay Area late on 31 December 2013. My boyfriend Tom picked me up at SFO airport. And chauffeured me to his home. I had asked in December if it was okay to stay with him until my tenant vacated during January. He said yes.

As he said to me in the month prior to my return, he wanted to create a safe landing spot for my re-entry. I had been in a holy space for a long time. I figured re-entry might be tough. Tough is an under-statement.

He lives in Mill Valley. It's quiet where he lives except for the early morning delivery trucks that rumble down the one-way street in front of his apartment building. There's a redwood tree park within 5-minute walking distance of his apartment. And lots of walking trails. And he asked what food provisions I wanted since I'd be arriving late on the day before a holiday!

1 January 2013 is a blur of moments - happy, silly, fun, romantic, poetic, argumentative, contentionous. As I look back, he told me on 2 January before he went off to work -- to take it easy, sleep, curl up and rest. Did I listen. Not truly. And the body knows...best!

Sunday, 6 January...I wake up tired, despite 8 plus hours of sleep! So I called in sick. Metaphorically since I am retired. Gave myself permission to curl up in bed after Tom went to work and opened Christmas cards. Looked though magazines. Sipped tea.

Same the next day...realized had not done this for at least four months. All the time I was a-traveling, I had not carved out time to just stay in bed all day and chill.

Tom is spot on - I am depressed! Yes, as I look back since 1 January, I was pressing forward into my life back here and the body de-pressed (de- prefix means not or reverse). Thank you body!

Body said let's do this again when I awoke on Tuesday, so I laid in bed watching TED talks on video. And the mind said no more laying about...let's wash clothes. And sweep the floors. And go the the library. And walk the dog. And cook some food. And attend the Art Walk down the street.

Yesterday morning...I awake to not only tiredness...again. Again...left wrist and shoulder joints/tendons are inflamed! I notice this time they are also throbbing. So I called in sick. Did a quiet sit. Then read all day.

Today, I realize they are angry that I am not taking this time to rest as I re-enter. Even walking the dog tires me out. And a walk in nature is good, yet it tires me also.

Welcome to my re-entry! Leaving Santiago and re-entering the world after walking Camino Frances and Camino Fisterre, gave me mini-previews into this present moment. Thank you for that!!!!! For that I am grateful to have slowly moved from Santiago to Madrid. Madrid to Lake Waccamaw, NC. Lake Waccamaw, NC to Mill Valley, CA. And soon...Mill Valley to my physical home in San Francisco, CA. And notice what I noticed. And follow the body's requests -- most of the time :-)

And listen to folks who remind me. I walked a holy space for a long time and now am moving down from that holy space. Or that I was in a magical, mystical, spiritual place and moving back into here and now.

All Good! To be with what is! And go from there!

Buen Camino!

P.S. This is a great TED talk I saw on Tuesday that reminded me of my Camino and the power of gratefulness and being present to nature.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

I landed back into the Bay Area late evening on 31 December!

As I sit here chilling...taking my time to land into this time zone. And the environment..circumstances I left on 1 September. Well what comes to me is the essence of El Camino. Well the essence for me. Stay present. Appreciation. Gratitude. For??

...for the warm, comfortable bed I slept in last night!

...for the time to sit and stretch..meditate..chill out!

...for this beautiful, sunny, blue sky day!

...for the graceful trees I saw on my walk down the city sidewalk. Trees devoid of leaves yet so beautiful in their nakedness!

...for the food I am eatting as I type!

...for my boyfriend who supported me from a-far while I was away all this time.

...for the deep conversations he and I had last night.

...for him holding the space while I got emotional--sad, frustrated, angry.

...for the fab-o kiss we gave each other this morning

...for the heart-felt 'I love you' I whispered into his ear.

...for the embrace he gave me before leaving out to work and the 'I love you' also.

...for all the things that have me feel wanted, loved, successful!

...for this time where I can do whatever I want!

Yes...what we focus on manifests...and that was punctuated with my experiences as I walked El Camino!

So I smile as I return to life away from El Camino and focus on love, gratitude, respect, joy, laughter, appreciation!

Balanced Hugs!

Buen Camino!