9:23 pm Saturday, 9 January 2010
This is a reflection on the past 24 or so hours! Just awoke from 6 hours of really good sleep. Even remember a dream (which is un-usual for moi!).
Well, the past 24 hours or so was a lesson in self-care. And my reflection shows me that now that I have grown in that area tremendously in the past 24 months!
Thursday I awoke to the feeling that something was lodged in my esophogus (like when you swallow a pill and it doesn't go down all the way). Yet when I sat up (after the initial shock/surprise), it disappeared. And a drink of water yielded nothing - physically - was there. Plus I felt really horrible. Yet I forged on. Later that day I noticed off and on, a tingling in my entire left arm. And at times a numbness in my lower arm. I felt, just, ok so I figured I'd see what happened next day. I was assisting at ORSC course for the next three days and was looking forward to this. So I asked Source to work with me the entire night and run any healing processes that were needed to heal whatever was causing this tingling. And ensure when I awoke I'd be energized and ready for the next 3 days of assisting.
Friday a.m. - well I awoke @ 5:30 am, hit the snooze button. And yet when I rolled out of bed about 6 a.m., I thanked Source for I felt pretty dang good considering the prior day! And as I sat on the bus heading to Novato and the course location, I was going meticulous energy balancing. And noticing that the tingling in my left arm was there! I noticed it as the day went on. It would come & go. So I asked, what do we need to do? Can we wait until class is done and then when I am back in San Francisco, go check this out? So that is the agreement I made with my self. If the tingling was still noticeable @ the end of class, we would go to the emergency room and check this out.
Interesting to notice, what voices come out to challenge my own agreement with my self?
No, let's go home first, get some stuff to read and then go.
No, we're ok, let's not go.
It's nothing, you'll be fine.
You can't go, cause, it's the emergency room and who knows when they'll see you and you have to be back here to assist for the next two days.
Don't ask my ride to San Francisco to take me there, it's too much trouble for her.
Yet as I reflect, this was not just a lesson in self care, this was a lesson in respecting the agreements one makes with one self. It's about self-respect. About honoring self. About loving self. About the conversations within to do that. About chosing my highest good (and the highest good of all). Following the deep intuitive voice within in that is connected to Source. Is Source.
When the course day was completed, I knew despite all the voices, I would get the co-leaders numbers, my ride to/from San Francscio's number. And ask my ride to take me directly to the emergency room. It was time to to honor my left arm and my agreement to go take care of her. It felt scary. It felt good. It felt powerful. It felt like the thing to do.
And it was interesting to notice my inner conversations and voices as I sat either in the emergency room lobby or once admitted in the examing areas. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. To be seen by the ER folks. Or for test results. A lot of them were with Source. For I only called one person as I waited in the lobby - a Dancing with Source mate - a friend with whom we check in weekly. And asked her to do some healing processes for me. I ran down the list of others I could call to come sit with me, yet I was ok to not do that. Now in hindsight, it would have been a different experience. I would not have had the meditative-like moments I had as I sat or laid down in the examing area table. Or my internal conversations with self and Source.
No, I decided not to attend the Sat ORSC course to assist. And given I did not get much sleep last night, I decided as I lay in bed awaiting discharge, that I was not going on Sun.
Oh, I jumped ahead - the initial tests showed no sign of TIA (they explained yet I don't remember what the initials stood for) or stroke or heart attack. Interesting since Source and my body had told me this already. And they wanted to keep me overnight for observation, go from there. My last and only experience of hospital stay was back in August 2005 when my trip to the primary care MD to check out the reason for feeling bloated despite just having had a good bowel movement turned into a ticket to a CT scan, appendicitis diagnosis, and a trip directly to the emergency room for emergency surgery.
I knew, I was not in for much sleep, yet the body said it is what it is. We will sleep when we get discharged. And so we did or have. And now @ 10 pm, it is time for coconut water to help me hydrate. And more sleep.
Postscript:
Each morning I have a routine that includes drawing from the bottom of many decks of cards - each card deck nourishes a part of me for the rest of the day. So I just looked @ the cards I drew Friday morning. And am having a huge laugh with my self. With Source. Can't recall the order since sometimes that tells me something. The card comments in hindsight nourished me for my choices and experiences of the following 24 hours.
Reconsider a committment. You have the right to change your mind. Choice.
I am totally adequate for all situations. I am one with the power and wisdom of the Universe. I claim this power and it is easy for me to stand up for myself.
Your soul thrives on silence. From deep inside, you receive your most certain guidance and instruction. In silence, you are without distractions. this is why we fear silence - we fear its power. Enjoy quiet meditation today. In silence, we most readily preserve our integrity.
I am special. The most important person in my life is me!
Today, I identify a situation that binds me to the past and lay it at the feet of my Beloved Deity.
If it's not okay to be where you are while you're there, you can never truly be anywhere at all. You don't have to love and even like what's so for you now...yet to grow, to heal and to flourish you do need your own permission to be just exactly where, who, and how you are in this moment and for as long as it is so!
Are you reading the same chapter over and over again? THE END
Courage. Find the courage to hold on to your beliefts, even if the world around you chooses to believe differently. Have the COURAGE to change those beliefs that no longer fit the person you have become. In doing so, you truly become yourself.
Leaps of faith put us in astounding new places. YES!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
nine months
11:10 am, Friday, 1 January 2010
YAHOO! Nine consecutive months of well-being and continued improvement in my energy, stamina, health! YAHOO! Thank you Source! Thank you village (of practioners, family, friends, healing circle, healers, angels, ascended masters from all cultures)! Thank you moi for showing up!
A friend wrote this to me the other day "I was told that if you turn your focus onto other things consistently and continue to turn this over to Source consistently, that will help."
Makes a lot of sense in general....fits with my experiment (yes, she's experimenting again LOL) of focusing on all that is going well in my life. That does not mean I don't acknowledge the things that are "not going well", just means I am listening to it all and looking for the 2% in the "not going well" that is truly "going well", is of value to me, serves me.
Case in point....since 12 December, I have not done my usual morning routine:
morning pages (where I write stream of conscious, no editing for 3 pages -- each page about 8-1/2 by 11)
balancing my entire system (chakras, subtle energy bodies, physical body, and whatever else my intuition tells me)
sitting quietly and asking for guidance on the 1,2,3 things on my to-do list that are priority for the highest good of all (and today I added the highest good of moi)
Well, on this past Sunday 27 December, I had a dizzy moment - in fact two in the course of an hour. After the second one, I was nauseated. Yes, I was concerned as this had not happened to me before. Luckily, I was staying with a friend so I stayed an extra day to be sure I had someone close by in case something happened. And I laid down to rest and before I drifted off to sleep, I asked Source to help me with what had just happened. When I awoke 2 hours later, I felt ok. And immediately knew I was out of balance in general. And I needed to return to my usual morning routine. YET, did I? NO. So on Wed morning @ 2 am (30 December), I was awoken by a sharp pain going from my right collar bone out to my right shoulder joint. As I appeared to be okay and there was no evidence of pain, I went back to sleep. At 8:20 am, I was awoken by a lump in my esophogus, like when one swallows a pill that does not go all the way down. Well, mine was stuck about 3 inches below my collar bone. Yet as soon as I got up, it disappeared.
Hmm, concerned? YES! So 3o December, I left messages with my rhuematologist, my primary care, my integrative MD to consult with them. AND for the first time, I also e-mailed my healing circle to consult with them. Yet did I wake up on yesterday, 31 Dec and do my morning routine. Not really. Not completely. And when I awoke from an 1-1/2 hour nap in the afternoon, I felt awful. And that's when it hit me - you are out of balance, begin to return your balance, your groundness. So I balanced my entire system, and it's truly amazing what you notice as I patiently and slowly balanced. Two hours later, I felt ready to end 2009 and begin 2010 in a way that supports me and all. I stayed in. Washed my sheets, my hair, myself (as a ritual of being and sleeping in something clean and ready for something new).
Anywho, interesting how quickly I want to return to what is old and familiar (and yet no longer serves me). And yeah for me. Thank me for showing up and noticing that I am responding differently to what Life puts on my path. I am awesome! And so are you!
Happy New Year! Happy New Moment! That allows us to focus on clarity in what we ask for, openness to accept what is received, courage to thank our self for showing up & being for the first place.
YAHOO! Nine consecutive months of well-being and continued improvement in my energy, stamina, health! YAHOO! Thank you Source! Thank you village (of practioners, family, friends, healing circle, healers, angels, ascended masters from all cultures)! Thank you moi for showing up!
A friend wrote this to me the other day "I was told that if you turn your focus onto other things consistently and continue to turn this over to Source consistently, that will help."
Makes a lot of sense in general....fits with my experiment (yes, she's experimenting again LOL) of focusing on all that is going well in my life. That does not mean I don't acknowledge the things that are "not going well", just means I am listening to it all and looking for the 2% in the "not going well" that is truly "going well", is of value to me, serves me.
Case in point....since 12 December, I have not done my usual morning routine:
morning pages (where I write stream of conscious, no editing for 3 pages -- each page about 8-1/2 by 11)
balancing my entire system (chakras, subtle energy bodies, physical body, and whatever else my intuition tells me)
sitting quietly and asking for guidance on the 1,2,3 things on my to-do list that are priority for the highest good of all (and today I added the highest good of moi)
Well, on this past Sunday 27 December, I had a dizzy moment - in fact two in the course of an hour. After the second one, I was nauseated. Yes, I was concerned as this had not happened to me before. Luckily, I was staying with a friend so I stayed an extra day to be sure I had someone close by in case something happened. And I laid down to rest and before I drifted off to sleep, I asked Source to help me with what had just happened. When I awoke 2 hours later, I felt ok. And immediately knew I was out of balance in general. And I needed to return to my usual morning routine. YET, did I? NO. So on Wed morning @ 2 am (30 December), I was awoken by a sharp pain going from my right collar bone out to my right shoulder joint. As I appeared to be okay and there was no evidence of pain, I went back to sleep. At 8:20 am, I was awoken by a lump in my esophogus, like when one swallows a pill that does not go all the way down. Well, mine was stuck about 3 inches below my collar bone. Yet as soon as I got up, it disappeared.
Hmm, concerned? YES! So 3o December, I left messages with my rhuematologist, my primary care, my integrative MD to consult with them. AND for the first time, I also e-mailed my healing circle to consult with them. Yet did I wake up on yesterday, 31 Dec and do my morning routine. Not really. Not completely. And when I awoke from an 1-1/2 hour nap in the afternoon, I felt awful. And that's when it hit me - you are out of balance, begin to return your balance, your groundness. So I balanced my entire system, and it's truly amazing what you notice as I patiently and slowly balanced. Two hours later, I felt ready to end 2009 and begin 2010 in a way that supports me and all. I stayed in. Washed my sheets, my hair, myself (as a ritual of being and sleeping in something clean and ready for something new).
Anywho, interesting how quickly I want to return to what is old and familiar (and yet no longer serves me). And yeah for me. Thank me for showing up and noticing that I am responding differently to what Life puts on my path. I am awesome! And so are you!
Happy New Year! Happy New Moment! That allows us to focus on clarity in what we ask for, openness to accept what is received, courage to thank our self for showing up & being for the first place.
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